Roy & Deidre
Yuba City, California
"I'm Roy and my wife is Deidre. I think the best thing here is to talk about the four phases of my "stand." First, a little background. Deidre and I had been married 17 years before she moved out in 2017. The divorce was finalized in April of 2022. We started dating again in May 2023 and remarried in November 2023. One of the early mistakes I made in the furst phase of my stand was to air our dirty laundry to people, causing a large wound in my wife. We did terrible things to hurt each other and ourselves. During the spring before our separation, Holy Spirit told me I was embarking on a seven-year journey. I chuckled and replied there was no way it would take that long and no way I could last that long. I spent the next two years running around like a chicken with its head cut off, attempting to do "whatever it took" to win my wife back. I only wanted her back; I didn't want the marriage repaired. In the summer of 2019, we attended Marriage Boot Camp in Dallas. This amazing four-day experience was the catalyst for change in both of us. This attempt at making it work would only last ten days. I found my rock bottom and started attending Celebrate Recovery. My goal was to win her back, not fix myself. Then I was introduced to the concept of standing for my marriage and I finally listened to what the Lord had been telling me. This started my second phase of standing-listening to the Spirit but still having a selfish goal in mind. I really worked hard on fixing myself. I completed a Celebrate Recovery Step Study, had a relapse and got sober again. This phase of doing the right thing for the wrong reason would last until January 2021. My third phase would begin with a virtual conference that was hosted by a pastor whom I had been seeing as a counselor/life coach. Little did I know how much one of the speakers would impact me. After hearing Jason Carver's story of separation and restoration, I dove into his teaching. I even bought a smartwatch and set up hourly reminders to pray for Deidra. A month later, we began another attempt at reconciliation that lasted a month before falling apart. A few weeks later, she filed for divorce. Shortly before the divorce was finalized in April 2022 I was ready to give up my stand. Things were grim. And I was severely depressed. I cried out to God, and He lovingly reminded me that I had been promised a seven-year journey, and it had only been five years. I want to offer a disclaimer here-God never promised restoration. I did have a dream of a restored marriage but never a promise. I pondered what two more years would look like. One morning, I told God that I understood and asked what that looked like. I was almost divorced and lonely. I didn't want to waste two years and end up divorced and still lonely. God got a little short with me here. "So doing what I've told you to do is wasting your time?!" This instantly shifted my thinking —I was called to stand for my marriage, not with the goal of restoration but rather in obedience to God. This was my final phase-doing the right thing because God had told me to. It wasn't until total ghosting by Deidra that I surrendered my need for reconciliation. After months of no communication, Deidra and I were at the same Celebrate Recovery training this past February and we started chatting which led to us spending 90 minutes of healing and crying. As the spring progressed, we started spending time together with bike rides and coffee chats. Things started to get a little serious in mid-May and we officially began dating in June. We bought Diedra a new engagement ring and remarried in November 2023—sooner than the seven years I was promised but God is amazing." Roy mentioned my restoration testimony with Christine. Watch our testimony and all other FREE resources and teachings in The Standing Supernaturally Training Hub. Create your FREE account in our "Netflix" style website made just for standers at Training.StandingSupernaturally.com
