Jeff & Jess
Post Falls, Idaho
"My name is Jeff, my wife's name is Jess, and this is our restoration story. If I could tell you when it all started or what led up to the worst decision I ever made, I would. I could tell you all the things l've been through, decisions I made, and defining moments that made me into what I was, but let's just say I had a hard upbringing, and I let the scars it left define me. I brought all that brokenness and pain into my marriage. I loved my wife, and she was my best friend. We did everything together and hardly had any arguments. She was my whole world, but I had a secret: I was addicted to porn and had a lustful eye. Every choice I made in that secret took me further from my wife and family. I sought attention and other people's approval and wanted everyone to think I was a good guy. I was stuck in secret shame, guilt, and a prison of sexual addiction. I became distant from Jess, I lost most of who I was. The more I lost, the more I resented my life and my wife. I started to blame her for the things I didn't have, things I thought mattered, and where I thought I should be at that point in my life. I made myself miserable and blamed her for it. I drew further away and found a group of people where I could play the victim and hear what I wanted to hear. There was someone in the group I became close to. The closer I got to them, the further I got from my wife. I thought I was so sneaky, clever, and careful. God had other plans, He doesn't leave you even at your worst. The whole time this was going on, He was strengthening Jess and preparing her for what was to come. The day she found out, I didn't tell the truth. I made up even more lies about someone in a different state. I tore her heart out, shattered her world, and didn't feel a thing. The enemy had complete control of me. I listened to every lie he sold and bought them with my choices. I had an emotional and semi-physical affair with a woman at work. My wife asked me to leave, and I did. I wish I could say I never made these choices and had the strength and faith to say no, but I didn't. God continues to work even if we don't see it. He was there for my wife in ways I never was. He held her, gave her strength, and made a way for her heart to love me even in my brokenness. He also worked in me, planting seeds, putting people in my life who spoke the truth and gave me every opportunity to seek Him. He was softening my stony heart and making a way for my return to His grace. With every passing moment, the seeds were growing. My life was falling even further than you can imagine. When I reached the point that God knew I would cry out to Him, He reached into that pit of darkness, grabbed my hand, pulled me out, and brought me home. The next day, when I saw my wife, I really saw my wife. Over the next few days, my heart was changing. Jess sent me some texts that resonated inside me, and I said that to her. She asked me to watch our youngest son so she could console her friend who had just lost her husband. I took off early from work, and she never left when I got to our house. We talked for hours. I told her I wanted her back, that I had made a terrible mistake, and I was sorry. I still didn't tell her the truth. I didn't know if she would take me back if I did. It took time and drastic measures from my wife, but I told her everything. We are restored, one flesh, and God is at our center. I am free, changed, transformed, and forgiven. My wife and I are stronger than we've ever been, and our lives will never be the same. We still have hard moments, but we have more joy, faith, and love than ever before. God is our center, and my wife is my home. I praise Him and thank Him daily for what He has done and continues to do in our lives. He IS the way, the truth, and the life. He brought me home, and I will never be the same. He has a plan for my life, our marriage, and our family. For the first time in my life, I found my identity in Christ. I make every decision based on three things: God's will, my love for my wife, and my love for my family. We aren't perfect, but God asks us to follow Him. He asks us to deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Him. I share this testimony because I know there are many others like my wife and I. My prayer is that when these storms come, we can all find comfort in our Father's arms and know that He is in control and He is working all things for good. Even if we can't see it, He is working.
